Farewell, Sweet Abuela

My Grandmother's funeral is today.  There is no easy, pretty way of saying something so sad, (believe me, I typed and erased a few times).  It's better to just *say it,* and honor the sadness.  Now, that is off my chest and I can move on to what a blessing-filled, well-lived life she led.  

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy is not created or destroyed, it only transforms.  The same energies that were here at the creation of the universe (Big Bang? Big God? Both?) still exist in every life form today.  Some, like my Grandma, get an abundance of beautiful, grace-filled energy.  She seemed to exist to bestow that grace and mercy on everyone else.  Even in her last few weeks, whenever she would open her eyes for a few minutes, her words were, "God bless you.  I love you."  She had been taken down to the base ergs or joules of her energy: love.  If I am not overstating the Law of Thermodynamics (and I probably am, but don't care...it makes me feel better!), those energy units have left her body and are making their way around the universe, even as we speak.  This brings great comfort to me.  

Not only is her "energy" all around me, the results of a well-lived life are, as well.  I see them in my daughter, who will not leave my side because I am sad.  I see them in my marriage, where I am willing to listen and understand another's viewpoint.  I spent many hours sitting in her kitchen, talking, while she cooked for me and listened.  I always thought of her as so wise, but now, I have a hard time remembering any specific advice she gave....ah....the wisdom was in the listening.  She encouraged me to love unconditionally, be a peacemaker, and to love God above all else.

The pictures attached are of my Grandma "blessing" my children with holy water as we left for Florida.  I know that the holy water was only a symbol for her real power - the power to make me feel loved and like I was the only person who existed in the universe.  I love you, Grandma, and I will miss you.  

Here is a video of one of our talks with Wen Jun - still trying to figure all this technical stuff out!

Every day should be like today!

Some home school days are mind numbingly boring, filled with spelling tests and practicing multiplication tables.  We try to have more days like this, making hornbooks, talking feathers, and studying about magnetism and motion!  I think it's hysterical that my kids joke around about William Penn being the guy on the Quaker oatmeal box - I'm raising nerds!  Hooray!  

On Judgement

One of my favorite blogs, ragamuffinsoul.com, had a post with this picture on it last week.  I was stunned, frightened, flabbergasted, etc, etc. (you get my point).  It has bothered me so much that I have found myself obsessing about it!  I admit, I think there should be one more group mentioned - A**H****s.  Well, I found myself in radical judgement of this group.  Oops.  I just HATE it when I come face to face with my ideals.  

I began thinking about what it means to be a Christian.  I was judging this group for being "Un-Christlike."  What do I do that deserves judgement?  Do I see a man standing on a street corner and turn away?  Do I hear that 1 in 10 children are being trafficked/exploited in the Dominican Republic, say "tsk, tsk," and run out to volleyball practice?  What does it say about my humanness and Christianity when I hear that it costs .06c/day to feed a person in Haiti, write my check for $20/month and think "Whew.  I've done my part."  

I want to live a radical life, pursuing peace and justice.  How does that fit into my consumer lifestyle?  Do I have the time?  If I go down that path, will my life ever be the same?  Will I write this blog post, think "Whew, glad I got that off my chest," and turn away any different than I was yesterday?  I feel like the man who looks in the mirror, and turns away, forgetting what he looks like.   I think that one who does not have a realistic expectation of the darkness in her own heart is one tiny step away from being the one holding up the sign.

What are you radically passionate about?  What will you do TODAY to pursue it?

http://blog.beliefnet.com/godspolitics/2008/06/the-church-and-lost-innocence.html

Thoughts on Contentment

I dream of moving.  Florida, in all of it's balmy beauty, is not home.  I have always said that home is where my husband and kids are, and that is still true to some extent, by my soul calls out for the mountains of the West.  Like deep calling deep.  I pine for the jutting mesa-scapes of New Mexico, for the aspens of southern Colorado, for the gasping awe every time I looked out the window and saw a mountain.  I also miss the wild west attitude - the whole "tie myself to a bulldozer b/c we don't want your stinkin Walmart screwing up our landscape" mentality.  Oh, and "Don't tell me how to school my children.  I don't even need to inform you of my plans to teach them at home, much less let you look at their work and judge them."  Not to mention, the radical idea that minorities can govern.  And women are equal.  And same sex marriage is not the end of life as we know it.  And a giant pick-up truck painted front to back with an American flag does not make you more American than me.  But I digress....

Is a person's home just where they choose to make it?  Could I *choose* contentment and beauty in FL?  Am I not content because I don't want to be?  I think the ocean is beautiful (although the beach is covered with red tide b/c of all kinds of man-made selfishness, but that's another post), but not awe inspiring.  I want to wake up in the morning and have my soul rumbled by my environment.  I don't want to be comfortable - mountains make me extremely uncomfortable and thoughtful.  

What do you think?  Should I choose contentment?  Or allow the drive in me to push me back to the Rockies?  

Come Muse With Me

    

The brain...constant movement, constant change...if you're one of the lucky ones.  The disciplined ones.  What is life without change?  What is life without challenging one's own assumptions?  Facing fear?  Aren't assumptions and fears merely a neural connection in the brain?  Can alchemy transform the brain?  Is the brain a metal of grey, sludgy nickel, awaiting the transformation to gold?  

Or maybe challenge is moving too fast.  Maybe...just...pondering...perusing...strolling...through other thoughts...are we capable?

Come on, it'll be fun...I promise.